Merry Freakin' Bleach Christmas
by DeathsLittleBirdie
Summary: The Bleach cast has a Christmas party no one will forget...unless they've had too much to drink!


**Author's Note: This is my x-mas present to all you guys here! Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or the song "Merry Freakin' Christmas.**

_**School's out, Christmas break. **_

_**Home for the holidays, meatloaf and fruit cake. **_

_**Off to Grandma's, It's so boring. **_

_**Screaming kids, and Grandpa snoring! **_

Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, and Uryuu walked out of school and watched as Rukia appeared before them dressed as a very sexy female Santa and a small box in her hands. A huge smile was on her face as she walked up to the red-faced teens.

"You have all been invited to the Soul Society's Christmas party!" Rukia said, the teens looked at eachother before Orihime spoke out.

"That sounds fun! I can make fruit and meatloaf cake with sour cream whipping!" Orihime said, everyone made a disgusted look at the thought of the horrid food.

"Where's the party at?" Ichigo said, Rukia pulled out her zanpuk-tou and opened the gate.

"At Captain Unohana's house!" Rukia said, running up ahead of them as they slowly followed.

They meet up with Renji and Shuuhei, who were wearing santa hats, and Gin who was singing very loudly.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Ichigo said, pointing at Gin.

"We aren't on air, stupid. Everyone has been invited!" Renji said, Ichigo blinked in confusion before nodding.

"Oh right. I should hide then." Ichigo said.

"Why?" Rukia said.

"Aizen might try to grab my butt." Ichigo muttered, looking around.

"You can hide behind Captain Yamamoto." Rukia said, glancing over at Ichigo's butt and giggling.

"Isn't he sleeping?" Shuuhei said, inching away from Gin as he got closer to him.

"Oh yeah...then ya don't have a chance." Gin said, looking over at Hitsugaya and waving at him.

"Hey Captain, let's go under the mistletoe!" Gin said, running to him. Toshiro turned to him and began to runnaway from the man while screaming like a little girl for Momo's help.

_**My aunt Margret's lost her mind! **_

_**Trippin on a train set, have another box of wine! **_

_**It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!**_

After a few hours, Gin gave up looking for the short captain and went to freak out more people. Rukia and Orihime stood beside Rangiku as she slurred and danced horribly, Hitsugaya appeared in front of Rangiku and pulled at her arm to get her to finish paper work causing her to fall over and squish him with her large breast.

"MMMHHH! MMMHHH!" Hitsugaya tried to yell but it was muffled.

"Someone get her off him!" Rukia said, Orihime began to wave her hands franticaly in the air.

"She's suffocating him!" Orihime cried.

"That's a nice way to die." Gin said, Hichigo nodded as he laughed.

_**I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List! **_

_**The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss. **_

_**Shoot, me now, I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives) **_

_**Have a merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas! **_

"Oi, King. How ya enjoyin' the party!" Hichigo said, Ichigo turned to him and groaned.

"They invited you too?" Ichigo said, the albino laughed.

"Hell yeah, ain't a party wit'out meh! Besides, they invited ya dad too." Hichigo said, Ichigo was about to respond but a powerful round-house kick sent him on the floor.

"No drinking!" Isshin said as Hichigo fell on his back laughing.

"I wasn't drinking!" Ichigo said, punching him in the face.

Grimmjow and Nnorita looked at eachother and grinned as they grabbed the mistletoe and placed it above the fighting men.

"Hey, dumbasses." Grimmjow said, he got the attention of the two Kurosaki's and motioned them to look up. Both of their faces turned pale as they saw the damned plant and ran away quickly as the three people left laughed.

_**Uncle Richard, He's a weirdo **_

_**Passing out pictures of himself in a speedo! **_

Aizen walked around looking around for Ichigo and found him running toward the corner of the room. Walking towards Ichigo, he pulled out a piece of paper and tapped the young man on the shoulder.

"Hello Ichigo." Aizen said, Ichigo turned to him.

"Oh crap." Ichigo muttered, Aizen held out the paper and smiled when Ichigo grabbed it.

"This is something very important that you must see." Aizen said, Ichigo looked down and almost threw up in his mouth at the picture of Aizen in a speedo.

"Uhh, this isn't what you meant to show me right?" Ichigo said, pointing at the paper.

"It is. I hope you enjoy." Aizen said, patting Ichigo's butt before walking away.

"I'm scarred for life." Ichigo muttered, dropping the paper.

_**My cousin, Ashley, her singing really sucks! **_

_**Blames it on her drummer and her acid reflux! **_

"My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard!"

Everyone covered their ears as Orihime began to sing, she was now wasted thanks to Grimmjow for switching her cup with Rangiku's.

"You suck!" A random person said, Orihime giggled as she pointed to Chad who was working the drums to himself.

"It's-hic-his fault!" Orihime said, stumbling off the stage.

_**My brother's wife is really hot! **_

_**She pulled me in the bathroom, **_

_**I hope we don't get caught! **_

Hichigo began to look for some more sake when an arm appeared and pulled him into the bathroom, he was about to shout but stopped when he saw Rukia blocking the door and slowly pulling off the top of her outfit. A drunk smile on her face as she made her way to him.

"I-hic-think you're-hic-cute." Rukia slurred, wrapping her arms aound Hichigo's neck.

"Hmm, should I turn ya down?...King likes ya so...get undressed!" Hichigo said.

_**It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas! **_

_**I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List! **_

_**The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss! **_

_**Shoot, me now! I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives!) **_

_**Have a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas! **_

Hanataro sat on one of the chairs looking at his cup when he was suddenly lifted from his chair. He began to shriek and move his arms and legs like crazy when he saw Kenpachi glaring down at him and his other hand on the hilt of his blade.

"Did you kiss Yachiru?" Kenpachi growled, Hanataro began to shake his head.

"No sir I swear I didn't!" Hanataro cried, Yachiru popped out and hugged the crying soul reaper.

"Kenny! Can I keep him? Please!" Yachiru said, Hanataro began to cry even more.

Fine." Kenpachi said.

_**We haven't even opened our presents yet, **_

_**Now it's time to start... **_

_**I'll fake a smile, 'cause it's going back to Walmart... **_

Ikkaku opened the present giving to him by Yachiru and saw that it was a cream that would help him grow hair. Kaname got a live blow up doll of Gin and a diet book to the large lieutenant of Squad Two Marechiyo Ōmaeda.

_**(Sweetie, are you OK in there?) (ohhh...) **_

Renji was now drunk too so when he knocked on the door of the bathroom and asked for Rukia and ony heard a loud moan he believed it was just somebody having to use the bathroom very badly.

_**It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, freakin' Christmas! **_

_**I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List! **_

_**Shoot, me now! I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives!) **_

_**Have a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas! **_

_**Merry freakin' Christmas! **_

Byakuya looked around the large room for Rukia and sighed as he shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose as his headache grew.

"I should have let Ichimaru stab her." Byakuya muttered.

_**(I'm Santa W. Clause, and I approve this message!)**_

Yamamoto woke up from a dream from his past life and stood up suddenly waving his stick in the air.

"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!" He said, before sitting back down and falling asleep.

**Have a merry Freakin' Christmas everyone and as a present for me review, ne?**


End file.
